I ran from task to task, marrying myself to business in my decaying state of affairs. I watched. I knew. God slowly dropped into the background, even though I tried my best to keep Him involved. We both know it wasn't adequate. The weekend brought a lot of relaxation, and with it a lot of great effects. A lot of time spent focused on God... But we both knew it still wasn't adequate. Monday rolled around, life got busy. He didn't disappear, but He wasn't nearly as evident as either of us would have liked. It was the same old problem. The same old daze. How was I to fight something that ate all my time? I couldn't drop it, lock it down and crop it, and I certainly couldn't stop it.
So, I prayed for rain.
And then the rain came.
You'd think paralysis would be extremely disorienting for someone who spends all of his time in physical activity. It wasn't.

I reach down and try to grab my phone, but I can't hold on to it. My finger won't clench, and the sensation is numb. I should be concerned right? All I feel is peace though, despite my lack of control. I realize that I'm losing control of parts of my body, and I surrender that knowledge to God. "Take it God, you do all things for the good of those you love, according to your purpose."

Paralysis should be frightening. Perhaps my emotions were paralyzed. I don't think so. I kept everyone else's spirits up, they all seemed so frightened by the prospects. I can't let them worry, after all, I'm at peace, they should be too. I joke, laugh, and make bad puns. They still seem concerned. Why?
I've been praying for rain.
And then the rain came.

Paralysis is strange because you're so disabled and yet so able. My mind ran a mile a minute, working better than it often does when the rest of my body is functioning. Maybe because its load was lightened. My heart rate exploded, that was okay. After all, if I died, what then? Heaven right? Sure, that sucks for everyone else that knows me, but not really for me. Freedom, that's what I've always longed for. True, God-dependent freedom. And I was pretty close to having what I wanted, at least closer than I'd ever been before.

And then the rain came.

Losing sight of God in a world that is filled with distractions is easy. Solomon saw that, "All is vanity and a striving after the wind." I certainly read that phrase enough that I should have been able to recognize its application. I misunderstood my distraction, I thought I was distracted by one thing, when, in truth, I was distracted by a great many. Each one tugging at my heart, beckoning me away from Christ. Good gifts, some of God's best, but gifts not the giver. We both knew it wasn't adequate. I knew it. He knew it. It was merely a matter of time until something happened.

"STOP!"

The voice reverberated around the mental chamber of my imagination. I stopped. I had no choice after all, God had spoken. He pulled me to my knees, quite literally, and cried out Be still and know I am God. I looked up and saw him looking down, and understanding flooded my eyes. Pure, divine light filtered through the cracks of my heart, illuminating its dirty exposed core. I lay there and waited. And waited. "Can I get up now?" Be still and know I am God. "Can I get up now?" Be still and know I am God. I knelt, and waited, and looked up into the lantern of God's wisdom. "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want." and waited. Do you not know? Have you not heard? "Yes, Lord." Then he who has ears let him hear.

And then the rain came.

Retrospect. A word generally understood but not generally applied. What good is experience without the ability to learn from it? To forget the past is to relive a thousand agonies. God started to blend, against His nature and against my knowledge. And when He did, life became a thousand shades of grey. I can't fall into that trap again. I need the diligence of friendship that pulls me closer to God. If you're reading this, be that person. So I prayed, and then the rain came.

Don't forget, why you're here.
Don't forget, to keep standing.
Don't forget, what's he's done.
Don't forget, what you're meant to do, 
because you were made for so much more.
So don't forget.