A Few Brilliant Ideas...

HEY EVERYONE. I missed you guys. I'm tearing up right now just thinking about it.

So, because I'm a selfish person, I decided that NOW is the time to design a guide to writing birthday wishes. (In case you didn't know, my birthday is in two days.)

And because almost all of you fail at doing birthday wishes properly, I am here to instruct you on how to do it right... And with that, here it goes.

The first thing you need to know is there are three types of good birthday wishes, and none of them are "Happy birthday! BYE!" You sound like a really sketchy dude on the street trying to sell me teddy bears, promising me they'll "make you happy bro." Don't be a sketchy teddy bear salesman. Do birthday wishes right.

The Three Types:

The Sincere Note:
This can be pretty great if it's done well. You can make people cry, make their hearts leap for joy at the sight of your eloquently-crafted, emotionally-driven note of true catharsis. This includes spelling out the best in the person, and usually making them seem a whole lot better then they actually are. That's okay though. It's their birthday! LIVE LARGE! Another key element is calling on past experiences together that equate in an emotional response, whether that's laughter or crying. But to be clear, the end result of this note should always be a deeply felt emotional pang from the innards of their soul. If your wish isn't more than three or four sentences... You've probably failed.

The Comedic Note:
People tend to be a whole lot better at this second type because frankly, it's easier. Making people laugh is a lot easier than making them cry, which, talking to my boys here, is a very good thing. If you don't know how to go about creating the Comedic Note, here's a few ideas:

• DINOSAURS

Do you have a trouble keeping up with the CONSTANT barrage of pop music? Are you not capable of spending every living moment listening to the latest and greatest.... or perhaps not so great?

Do you know the feeling when you are just so amazed by what's around you? Every once in a while I'll pause and look at the world around me. I neglect the nature of beauty in what I have been given: the glint of the Japanese maple tree leaves, the shadows of the imposing figure of a house, and the beauty of the big, blue, wonderful sky. Being a writer is no easy task, it requires you to be appreciative of the things around you. After all, the things that we take for granted make a wonderful story don't they? When I visit new places, it's easy to be in wonder at what I haven't seen before, I'm accompanied by a sense of... adventure. I become aware that the world is a beautiful place and that I have the pleasure of living in it. God's beauty is everywhere. I want to learn to really appreciate it.

I want to live with that sense of wonder and adventure. I want everyday to be new to me, because it is new if I only take the time to look at it. I'm a writer. It's a beautiful day; appreciate it with me.

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? FABUULOUS?

1. In the process of mixing, add way too little water. (Just because you mixed it doesn't mean it doesn't need more water. I relearned this the hard way.)
2. Forget to spray the waffle maker with non-stick spray. This will help you to not be able to eat your waffles because they won't come off. Yup.
3. In the second batch when you do spray the waffle maker, be sure to use the only disgusting spray that your household owns. I prefer to use NOT REAL BUTTER SPRAY. IT SMELLS SO TERRIBLE. WHY WOULD THEY MAKE SOMETHING SO AWFUL?!?! IT SMELLS LIKE POPCORN... GONE WRONG. I DIDN'T KNOW POPCORN COULD DO THAT! Hurgahghauigfhwefgwegigweg.
(Sorry, I'm angry.)
4. One of two things will then happen, the waffles will turn white because of the awful disgusting spray, or the waffle maker will lie to you and tell you that it's done when it really isn't. (I haven't decided which one it is.)
------
Oh, it's turning an unnatural yellow color with random brown crisps.... Yeah, if you want to die eat it now.
------
I just realized, it's probably taking so long because I added so much stinking water. Ah well, better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all...
------

2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers.
3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: 'Shut up, all of you just shut UP!'
4. Whistle the first seven notes of 'It's a Small World' incessantly.
5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
7. Shave.
8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: 'Got enough air in there?'
9. Offer nametags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: 'Noogie patrol coming!'
13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
14. One word: Flatulence!
15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go 'plink' at the bottom.
16. Do Tai Chi exercises.
17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: 'I've got new socks on!'
18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: 'Oh, not now, motion sickness!'
19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.

20. Meow occasionally. 21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose. 22. Frown and mutter 'gotta go, gotta go' then sigh and say 'oops!' 23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected. 24. Sing 'Mary had a little lamb' while continually pushing buttons. 25. Holler 'Chutes away!' whenever the elevator descends. 26. Walk on with a cooler that says 'human head' on the side.

(^lulz) Dr. Freeman's Latest Book

27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce 'You're one of THEM!' and move to the far corner of the elevator.
28. Burp, and then say 'mmmm...tasty!'
29. Leave a box between the doors.
30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
31. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers 'through' it.
32. Start a sing-along.
33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask 'is that your beeper?'
34. Play the harmonica.
35. Shadow box.
36. Say 'Ding!' at each floor.
37. Lean against the button panel.
38. Say 'I wonder what all these do' and push the red buttons.
39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your 'personal space.'
41. Bring a chair along.
42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: 'Wanna see wha in muh mouf?'
43. Blow spit bubbles.
44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
45. Announce in a demonic voice: 'I must find a more suitable host body.'
46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
48. Wear 'X-Ray Specs' and leer suggestively at other passengers.
49. Stare at your thumb and say 'I think it's getting larger.'
50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler 'Bad Touch!'


(On a side note, I added tags to my posts! =D Go ahead and take a glance on the right ->)

Something that a lot of people struggle with is tuning their guitar. Most people can use guitar tuners, they aren't uber-complicated but I have a habit of losing mine for periods of time. This will divided into two sections: How to tune by ear and how to tune using a tuner.

How to tune using a tuner:
1. Turn on your tuner.
2. Play each string and try to match it up so that the green light bulb is on, you're guitar is either sharp or flat.
3. Make sure that you are tuning to the right key, the order from top(close to your face) to bottom is
E
A
D
G
B
E
(Standard tuning)




How to tune by ear:
1. First make sure you have the correct top E note. If you want to be in tune with other instruments it is vital. If not, it's not as big of a deal.
2. Hold down the first string on the fifth fret and match the two notes by tuning the second string. Continue doing this on the fifth fret until the 4th string where you hold the 4th fret instead of the 5th. Now continue on the 5th for the 5th string and make sure it's in tune. I would suggest playing and E chord to see if it is actually in tune. You will hear a sour note if it's not in tune.

If this doesn't make sense to you or you want more help just post a comment below. :)
Soli Deo Gloria
Your truly

I went to a homeschool class graduation today. It was pretty fab, had a great time with my fellow challengee ExtremeJengaChamp we had a great time in the back of the room and coming up with ways to liven up the graduation. Here we go, prepare to experience the list of a lifetime.

How to Rock a Graduation:
1. Clap during the prayer...
"God please give these graduates grace..."
(CLAP CLAP CLAP) "AMEN!"

2. Graduates-Dye your hair... BLUE!
Commencement speech, "I hope that God keeps you... GOSH THAT GUY'S HAIR IS DISTRACTING!"

3. Walk up the aisle before the graduates
"Hey, who's that?"
"Idk, I've never seen him before."

4. Scream "BE QUIET" during an address
"And this is the end of my speech..."
"BE QUIET! Oh wait..."

5. Run on stage with a collection of action-Quelf cards and begin to obey the commands.
(Warning, likely to cause harm to nearest admirers.)

6. Reserve all the seats in the whole auditorium for your "extended family"
Yeah, that'll serve them right for not coming to your graduation. (even if it hasn't happened yet)

7. Begin prophesying terrible prophecies about the graduates half-way through your speech.
The future no longer looks so bright.

8. Laugh at everything, even when things aren't funny
You'd be best to get a whole crew for this one.

9. Plant cellphones throughout the auditorium to start ringing (with really annoying tones) at random times throughout.
"I believe that you will go into..."
(cellphone) "IT'S FRIDAY, FRIDAY!"

10. Dance down the Aisle with the Graduates, making obnoxious squawks along the way.
"RAWWWWWKK!!"

11. "accidentally" mislabel the invitations to the graduates.
"Oh, my bad, was that the fourteenth?"

12. Hook yourself up to the speaker system and then come out on the electric guitar playing crazy solos.
-Watch out for the guy with the sledgehammer, he's a bit too ecstatic of a fan.

13. Start the wave.
Always a crowd pleaser, after you get a few going, I would even suggest body-surfing... Although I never got that far...

14. Turn on a fog machine.
When the fog fades, there you are straight from the 80's. Time to pull out those neon socks.

15. Send a baby as your replacement for the ceremony.
He'll give a great speech. No one will notice the difference and you'll get the props.
I love babies.

Anyway, that's my 5th post of June. I hope this will eventually turn into a video, because it would be amaaazing.
Peace out Girl-Scouts.