I forgot to add Will to the list, that has been updated. You can find his blog at: http://contemplativewhimsy.blogspot.com/. Due to my failure to remember to list his name, I gave him the very special title of Patrick Star, who is very near and dear to my heart. Also, I accept Simeon's Subchallenge. It is was a hard day one, we lost quite a few: Tirzah, Nathan, Aaron, Na'chelle, Nick. That brings our number down from 18 to 13. However, in Nick and Nathan's defense, they did tell me they planned on posting semi-regularly these next couple weeks. Allen Lai has a questionable post dated February 2nd, but I'll let it slide, because it was there when I checked at 12:30 and it's the first day. The rest of you however... Bom voyage.
I talk to people a lot. You probably do too. This a good thing.
I can often predict what my friend and family members will say because I've spent a lot of time talking to them. I've also spent a lot of timing listening. That's how friendships are built, this communication back and forth, verbal or otherwise. People could rock climb every day, side by side, but if they never talk, they don't know each other. They're not friends.
Friends talk. Friends listen. Friends communicate.
I have a friend named Valerie Niemann who I used to go running with my freshman year of college. We talked a lot about all kinds of things and after a while she said to me, 'Stevie you're not listening to me.' At the time it was meant more jokingly, but as the joke was repeated, I became aware of how serious this really was. My statement always started, "No, I'm listening, but what the point I'm trying to make is..." Too many but's. I don't always listen. Worse, I don't always hear, or take the time to understand what people are trying to tell me. And listening is so fundamental to a good friendship. I'm super thankful for that lesson that Val taught me. So if you're reading this, thanks Val. God used you to show me how little I really did listen.
There's a repeated statement by Jesus in the book of Mark, "He who has ears let him hear." Which means some of have ears, but we're not hearing.
As I've learned how important listening is, and how vital it is to my friendships, God has taught me some of the differences between a true friendship.
Listening is certainly part of it, but there's a particular type of listening that I want to examine that defines a deeper level of friendship.
Each person is divided into two segments: the person they are and the person they want to become.
Simply put, a friend is a person who knows who you want to be, not just who you are.
It's hard for me to demonstrate what this looks like without a specific example, but the details of describing who someone I know wants to be is a very personal thing. I wouldn't feel right in explaining this without specific permission, so I'll use a dummy-case to prove my point.
I have a friend named Jake. Jake loves to play the piano, he works for Irregular Mechanics, he spends a lot of time with his girlfriend Jessie, he is emotionally unstable, and he really likes pretzels.
That's great, I know who Jake is. This might let me buy things for Jake when he's feeling down. It helps me talk to Jake because I know where he works, and so I can start conversation about his work. I even know that Jake may flip out on me because he's emotionally unstable, so I'm totally prepared for that moment.
Yet, is knowing who Jake is enough to help me care for Jake the way a real friend would?
Maybe, but I don't think so.
Knowing that Jake dreams of being a professional writer, that he wants to be the type of guy that his girlfriend can lean on for support, knowing that Jake wants to see himself grow up and stand for what he thinks is right. Without these, instead of helping Jake be who he wants to be, at best I'm doing damage control. At worst, I could actually be encouraging him away from his dreams, crushing his hopes.
We've all had that person, who doesn't really know how important something is to us, and yet tells us that we're not very good at something. It hurts, and you begin to wonder whether that person is truly your friend. Sometimes they're loving you by telling you the truth, but in many cases they say what they say out of ignorance. There are cases where the most loving thing you can do for a person is to speak unwanted to truth in their lives. But in order to do it with wisdom, you have to know who that person wants to be. Sometimes people want to be things they shouldn't, but as a true friend it becomes your responsibility to help them avoid those things, rather than get them.
I talk a lot, and I've been learning how to listen. I want to know who you want to be, friends. I want to tell you who I want to be. Together, maybe we can help each other become those people, or stop each other from becoming the people we ought not be.
Christian, together, maybe we can become a little bit more like Christ, because that's ultimately who we want to be like, but we're complex creatures with many troubles and needs, and it's beautiful.
Let's be friends, shall we?
I talk to people a lot. You probably do too. This a good thing.
I can often predict what my friend and family members will say because I've spent a lot of time talking to them. I've also spent a lot of timing listening. That's how friendships are built, this communication back and forth, verbal or otherwise. People could rock climb every day, side by side, but if they never talk, they don't know each other. They're not friends.
Friends talk. Friends listen. Friends communicate.
I have a friend named Valerie Niemann who I used to go running with my freshman year of college. We talked a lot about all kinds of things and after a while she said to me, 'Stevie you're not listening to me.' At the time it was meant more jokingly, but as the joke was repeated, I became aware of how serious this really was. My statement always started, "No, I'm listening, but what the point I'm trying to make is..." Too many but's. I don't always listen. Worse, I don't always hear, or take the time to understand what people are trying to tell me. And listening is so fundamental to a good friendship. I'm super thankful for that lesson that Val taught me. So if you're reading this, thanks Val. God used you to show me how little I really did listen.
There's a repeated statement by Jesus in the book of Mark, "He who has ears let him hear." Which means some of have ears, but we're not hearing.
As I've learned how important listening is, and how vital it is to my friendships, God has taught me some of the differences between a true friendship.
Listening is certainly part of it, but there's a particular type of listening that I want to examine that defines a deeper level of friendship.
Each person is divided into two segments: the person they are and the person they want to become.
Simply put, a friend is a person who knows who you want to be, not just who you are.
It's hard for me to demonstrate what this looks like without a specific example, but the details of describing who someone I know wants to be is a very personal thing. I wouldn't feel right in explaining this without specific permission, so I'll use a dummy-case to prove my point.
I have a friend named Jake. Jake loves to play the piano, he works for Irregular Mechanics, he spends a lot of time with his girlfriend Jessie, he is emotionally unstable, and he really likes pretzels.
That's great, I know who Jake is. This might let me buy things for Jake when he's feeling down. It helps me talk to Jake because I know where he works, and so I can start conversation about his work. I even know that Jake may flip out on me because he's emotionally unstable, so I'm totally prepared for that moment.
Yet, is knowing who Jake is enough to help me care for Jake the way a real friend would?
Maybe, but I don't think so.
Knowing that Jake dreams of being a professional writer, that he wants to be the type of guy that his girlfriend can lean on for support, knowing that Jake wants to see himself grow up and stand for what he thinks is right. Without these, instead of helping Jake be who he wants to be, at best I'm doing damage control. At worst, I could actually be encouraging him away from his dreams, crushing his hopes.
We've all had that person, who doesn't really know how important something is to us, and yet tells us that we're not very good at something. It hurts, and you begin to wonder whether that person is truly your friend. Sometimes they're loving you by telling you the truth, but in many cases they say what they say out of ignorance. There are cases where the most loving thing you can do for a person is to speak unwanted to truth in their lives. But in order to do it with wisdom, you have to know who that person wants to be. Sometimes people want to be things they shouldn't, but as a true friend it becomes your responsibility to help them avoid those things, rather than get them.
I talk a lot, and I've been learning how to listen. I want to know who you want to be, friends. I want to tell you who I want to be. Together, maybe we can help each other become those people, or stop each other from becoming the people we ought not be.
Christian, together, maybe we can become a little bit more like Christ, because that's ultimately who we want to be like, but we're complex creatures with many troubles and needs, and it's beautiful.
Let's be friends, shall we?
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